


4 o clock

by jjyu



Category: unknown - Fandom
Genre: Heartbreak, Hurt, Mentions of Suicide, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjyu/pseuds/jjyu
Summary: i hate you for hurting me.. playing with me like a doll..but why can’t i let you go..? why can’t i leave you..?
Kudos: 1





	4 o clock

4:16AM

I rise once again at this time of the morning - i feel like crying yet again seeing your profile appear on my feed.

I want to cry, thinking of all the things you’ve done to me. Was i that much of a horrible girlfriend? I never asked for much.. i only wanted your affection and some of your time..

Ignore me.  
Brush me off like i am nothing.  
Pick your friends over me.  
Take advantage of our distance and fall for another.  
And many, many more..

I wanted to put my whole life on the line for you.  
I was going to throw all my dreams away just so i could save up to finally come see you.. and go to a convention with you..

You hurt me so much..  
Yet.. i love you.  
My friends call me a fool - for loving someone like you.  
I defend you - i tell them, you’re still young, that you still don’t know much...  
I’m the idiot here.

Three years... we were together three years..  
In those three years, i stayed alive because of you.  
Because i thought of how you’d feel..  
Was it a mistake? Should i have died then?  
Because of you, my mental health is deteriorating..

I fall deeper in the dark abyss of depression.  
The voices in my head, they’re telling me to die.  
To take that blade back and end things once and for all.

But i am not your doll.  
I’m not some beautiful and fragile doll you can just play with then throw aside when you find someone “better”. I doubt she is better. She’s only closer to you than i am.

I will not let you ruin my life.  
I will make you regret everything.

I have to live.. for my friends. my family.  
I am aLivE.


End file.
